Mums are great at all kinds of stuff that are a bit of a mystery to us Dads - like tying back hair so that it stays tied back, dressing the kids in clothes that match, and, instinctively knowing when sickness has struck, to name but a few. But Mums, generally speaking, often struggle in the ‘who’s the most fun’ stakes. More often than not, Dads tend to win that one.
Why is it that Dads tend to be better at the rough and tumble, silly, noisy fluff that little kids love so much? Part of it is that Mums are undoubtedly socialised into a role that makes it less than amusing to burp, fart, and jump off stuff.
Traditionally ‘mothers’ make sure hands are washed before dinner, vegetables are consumed, behaviour is acceptable, and little people are admonished if gasses escape in socially unacceptable ways. There is an expectation from everywhere, that Mums will be the responsible ones, that Mums will make sure the
toothbrushes are always packed.
Dads, on the other hand, are frequently noisy, often reckless in our play, and understand the intrinsic value of throwing tiny bodies high, as they shriek loudly in uncontrollable fits of laughter, they almost bump their little heads on roofs or low hanging light fixtures. Can you believe Dad's even let kids eat stuff they drop on the ground!
Being responsible is good and proper. It is a worthy goal and essential for the ultimate survival of the species. It can also be a bit of a drag, and sometimes outright boring.
Tongue out of my check, to be fair, I have to admit (and admire) that being a Mum can sometimes be downright exhausting. So much so, there’s little energy left for fun! Well, if you’re a Mum feeling a bit overdone on the ‘good mother’ stuff, and a bit underdone on the fun stakes, then here are some energy-invigorating pointers so you too can risk life, limb and cleanliness in the pursuit of happiness and fun. While this list is not extensive, it’s a good start for you to build on some of your own ideas.
the bigger and noisier, the better
Now you could say that males have an advantage here, but stop and think about it from the perspective of your average little person and you can see that it doesn’t take much to be a giant in their eyes. They generally love anything big and anything noisy, so make the stuff you do loud and over-the-top and you will surely win hearts and minds.
silliness is the language of fun
Whatever you do, strive for silliness as if it were as important as world peace. Silly voices, silly faces and silly ideas are all noble pursuits. Chase little people around the house with scary bananas, sing funny made-up songs about animals and mix up the sounds they make, flap your wings instead of walking and do a silly dance to their favourite CD.
appreciate the value of carnivores
Lions are cool, bunnies are not. Lions can eat you and for that reason will always chase you. Bunnies just hop. If you’re going to be an animal, or be chased by an animal, it has to be one that pretends to eat children, otherwise there’s no point. They’re not likely to run away from a bunny, although if it’s an Attack-Bunny, maybe they will!
get physical
Kids love rough and tumble, I don’t know why, they just do. Let them ‘get you’ as you lie on the ground, throw them up in the air, have a game of toss ball outside and ‘tackle’ on the grass, play ‘tag’ around the house or backyard, hold them upside down till their wee faces go bright red.
little kids love to do stuff that seems risky
Climb tall things, balance on fences, hang from branches, clamber on boxes, and jump from high ledges. Let them be kids and let them do it. And join in too - it’s much more fun than standing back and supervising and you’ll find you don’t have the time to worry.
breaking the rules
Breaking the rules from time to time, is good. Sometimes in life it is best to eat dessert first, literally. Start with ice cream and work your way back to the carrots and potato, and if they don’t eat the carrots and potato just this once, does it really matter?
dirt is good
It just is. No reservations or precautions here. Dirt is fine stuff and should be encouraged whenever possible. Brief bursts off filth are very good for growing minds and there is no greater joy than splashing about in a muddy puddle until you turn into a filthy uncooked chocolate cake.
mess is good
Clearly you have to keep in mind that any mess always has to be cleaned up, but that notwithstanding, mess is very good. There is something undeniably fun about taking everything you own and piling it up in a huge heap.
loud and silly
As a rule of thumb if it’s loud, silly, slightly risky, and involves at least one carnivore, then your kids are going to love it.
This all might seem like a big ask for some Mums. Fear of dirt, injury or mess may be holding you back. If that’s the case, think about this: if you want your kids to feel that you like them, you’ll have to loosen up a bit. Most kids feel loved, but far fewer feel liked. Loving is pretty much automatic and comes with the job for most of us, but liking is a strictly voluntary affair. You show you like someone by hanging out with them and having fun. Liking isn’t automatic.
If your kids feel loved, then that is a wonderful thing. It will help protect them from the harms of the world and forge a path of their own. If your children feel liked as well, then that is the icing on the cake, the non-stick coating on the pan of life.
Feeling liked is the glorious sunset at the end of a blue sky summer day. All of us should be so lucky.
Nigel Latta, NZ Registered Clinical Psychologist
