multiple births

Whilst most parents find the adjustment to one baby a huge challenge, spare a thought for those who bring home twins or triplets or more! From feeding and sleeping to exercising and shopping – twins and triplets require a novel approach and a special branch of parent management.

Here are some suggestions for how you can help parents of twins or triplets or get help yourself if you are expecting more than one.

As parents of twins or triplets you need to know you are never alone in the world! There is valuable information available to help adjust to and cope with twins, triplets and more in our lives.
 

• Numerous regional Multiple Birth Clubs throughout the country. The Association can put expectant parents in touch with Multiple Birth Clubs nearest to them and offer help and support.
• Triplet Plus Club that comes under the main umbrella of the New Zealand Multiple Birth Association (NZMBA).
• And check out WINZ for government assistance.

families with multiples

Every book on parenting will tell you that life changes after the birth of one child. Parents of twins or triplets, however, can often feel as if they’ve left the hospital and arrived home on a different planet!

some lifestyle differences are easy to anticipate
 

• Household standards will have to relax for a few years, unless you can afford to hire help.
• Sleep deprivation in the initial few months is unavoidable, unless you can find someone to help care for the babies while you catch some sleep.
• The financial impact is significant as well. More nappies, food, clothing, and multiples of many things. Maybe a larger vehicle, and possibly part-time help. 

some changes are not so obvious
 

• Physical exhaustion which often translates into emotional stress. When parents feel depleted but children’s demands are ongoing, then depression, irritability and a sense of inadequacy are common responses.
• Having less time for each individual baby can make parents feel guilty or sad. These emotions become even more complex if you already have other children.

how to help

A pregnant mother with twins or triplets will often be put on bed rest or limited activity. When this occurs she could use extra help, conversation and moral support and help to care for any other children. Cook some meals, do the washing and help organise the babies’ room (with her direction!). Find her the local Multiple Birth Club and make contact.

Until each of the twins or triplets sleeps through the night, Mum and Dad will be sleep deprived! Sometimes these families will not ask for help so it’s important to offer again and again.

• When offering help, be very specific about what you can do, when you can do it and then keep to your word. However, respect the boundaries that the parents have set. What worked for your babies may not work for the multiples and it is important not to invade and take total charge, causing the parents to feel left out.
• Mothers who may be suffering postnatal depression or any other severe forms of depression, need extra support. Community agencies need to be consulted so that the help is available. (Ask their partner to help you intervene as this can be a sensitive area.)
• When visiting a multiple birth family, be prepared to provide hands-on care of the babies. You, the visitor, should offer to make the cups of tea and let Mum have a break.
• Volunteer to watch the babies, even for a few hours. State the time and stick to it. This may be just so Mum can have an unterrupted shower.
• Help with feeding and bath time.
• Make some pre-cooked meals or deliver frozen meals that can be re-heated easily.
• If Mum is not breastfeeding, make up the feeding bottles or sterilise the bottles and accessories.
• If cloth nappies are used, help wash them, hang them out and fold.
• If the family wants extra help - make contact with various support agencies and nanny support networks.
• Ride along in the car while Mum does banking and other errands so she doesn’t have to unload the babies at each stop.
• Give a packet of nappies - a great help when an average of 500 disposal nappies a month is used for a set of triplets!
• As the babies grow, offer to give Mum and Dad time for themselves and take the multiples out for a few hours or for the day. This is a good opportunity for other family members to get to know the multiples and help Mum and Dad sort out household chores or renew their relationship!
• Remember that help is not a luxury but a necessity for a multiple birth family.
• Do not assume that as the multiples grow, life is back to normal. Some stresses continue for longer and may take on a different dimension. Be there for the family and always be supportive.

Despite all the challenges, multiples also bring great rewards. You get the unique chance to love several babies at once and marvel at the relationship between them, which is a very special one. There is a fascination surrounding multiples that is hard to deny. The enchantment of multiples affects parents as well as strangers. This experience is very precious and the challenges of having them are dulled in comparisons to the joy they bring! 

For further information visit our parenting support section.